Someone recently told me that I am a good person, because I am easily able to forgive people who hurt me. I thought about that for a long time, and it just…it just doesn’t seem true, and if true, it doesn’t seem fair. Our whole lives, being ‘good’ is stressed, be it because we want to get into heaven, or because we want people to like us, or want good karma, whatever the reason may be, we are taught from birth that we should be good.

Now, if my ability to forgive and forget makes me good, then that really says a lot about the rewards of being a good person. Every single time I have forgiven somebody for something they have done in the past that hurt me, it ended up happening again, and again, and I always, always forgave them.

That’s not being a good person, that’s being a stupid person. Every time I let someone back in after they fuck with me, they walk all over me again. Over, and over, and over again. If that’s what I get for being a good person, then I say fuck it. I don’t want to be good. I would rather be a bad person and risk whatever ill may befall me after death, than spend my life letting people walk all over me, because I cant help but forgive them.

And it’s not like it’s everyone, either. No. It’s only the people I forgive for some grave injustice. They turn around and use me, and toss my feelings around like a god damn rag doll. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of putting my faith in people, only to have that faith abused, and my heart ripped to shreds and stomped on. I can only piece it back together so many times before the pieces just stop fitting.

If I keep it up, I’m going to go insane…or I’m going to just keep letting people hurt me, and saying “Oh, its okay. I’m used to it.” Because I’m not. If I were used to it, it wouldn’t hurt like a fresh wound every time it happens. The pain isn’t dulling with time, nor is it going away, because I keep letting people reopen my scars.

So, there you have it. I’m going to be a ‘bad’ person from now on. Fuck forgiveness and all that shit, it only leads to people hurting you in the long run.